Belated Weekend Update

One could say that it was quite an eventful weekend for me! Friday night, was ladieezz night. And, oh. What a night. While stopping in an ATM next to our bar destination, a mention was made that my friends and I were dead sober. As luck would have it, the bar's owner was also in the ATM vestibule with us at the very same time. He told us not to worry, drinks would be on him for the rest of the night, and on him they were. Six free Bacardi and diet cokes later, and I was on my way!

Saturday was Rudy and Judy's birthday weekend. (Rudy is Becky's older brother who is not actually named Rudy; similarly, my older brother is not actually named Judy). I attended Rudy's birthday at an outdoor bar on Saturday afternoon. I love you, almost summer time. Saturday night, I attended Judy's (Jeremy)'s 30th birthday bash. When did this happen? I have a thirty year old brother? I don't like this one bit. Throughout my day and night's travels, I saw five different people in places that were unexpected to me. Each person, more surprising than the next. New York City, you sure know how to keep me on my toes!

On Sunday, I spent the day in Central Park with Becca-Girl and Meelz. I have never laughed harder than I did on Sunday afternoon. Okay, that may not be true, but I sure laughed a lot. I may have even spat up my ice cream on the sidewalk from laughing so hard. (I'm not proud). I love that my friends and I finish each other's sentences. Although, finishing my sentences isn't too much of a challenge, considering they all end the exact same way, in one of two song lyrics.

This is Amelia's tale to be told, but I simply had to share it. (c. Amelia). Amelia was sunbathing with some of our friends on Saturday afternoon. A mention was made of a small, troll-like gay man, with terrible backnee (acne on one's back) tanning nearby. This man was a complete stranger to my friends, but someone who they noticed (and made fun of) right away, for being well...disgusting. Five minutes later, the small man crouched down in front of Amelia's face, and asked her if she wouldn't mind "doing his back." He handed her the bottle of sunscreen, and said, "Thanks--I'm a pale bitch." Did Amelia apply sunscreen to a disgusting stranger's back? The answer is yes. Are there pictures on facebook that show a revolted Amelia applying sunscreen directly to back acne? The answer is again, yes.

And, oh. One more thing. Speedate-date (the actor/bar-mitzvah dancer who "forgot" his wallet) has officially driven me to my breaking point. (Maybe this is some sort of karmic retribution for being an occasional crazy-pants). After multiple calls and texts (per day), he called on Thursday asking if I had plans. I told him that I did. This was true. I had plans with Galzbabi for dinner. After we hung up, my phone rang ten minutes later. It was speedate-date, AGAIN. What did he want now? We literally just spoke, (and have only met once at a god damn speed dating event). He told me that he had an amazing idea, and asked me if I was ready to hear it. I said, "Yes. I'm ready." He replied and said, "I don't think you're ready" (for this jelly). I said, "I'm ready." He said, "No, no, no. I don't think you're ready!" "I'm ready." I said, my voice growing more and more agitated. " WHAT!? (he said), I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUU!" I SAID, ARE YOU READDYYYY? (Yes, I swear that this exchange of words actually took place).

I'm fucking ready. I'm trying to fucking get ready to meet my friend. I don't have time for this shit. What was Speedate-date's brilliant idea that required me to feel such exhaustion? Get Ready!! "Let's meet one night for coffee." THAT is your AMAZING idea?!?! Get a clue, nim-rod. (Also: Please note that I am not a terrible person, and weighed the meanness of telling this story verses. that it was in fact, a pretty good story. Pretty good story won, and yes, I'm probably going to hell).

And so, another weekend bites the dust. Until Friday, see ya!