Pajama Day

Greetings from Pajama Day!

What could be better than arriving to work in what you slept in the night before and not be judged for it? Pajama Day is like a much less awkward walk of shame. I slept in my clothes, woke up, and got ready in about four and half minutes this morning. I'm pretty sure it was the same way for most of my students. However, that is where the similarities end. Aside from not getting dressed into new clothes, I'm pretty sure my students omitted their other morning routines. (i.e, brushing their hair, and more importantly brushing their teeth). I can still smell Jimmy's onion bagel breath...
As the children arrived to school in their favorite sleep time gear. I saw everything from bath robes, to slippers to fuzzy footsie pajamas, I have seen it all. And I mean that quite literally. Some of my student's pajamas were a bit too small for them. Do I need to go into more detail on this one? I hope not.
There is something humbling about seeing everyone in their pajamas. I can't quite put my finger on it, but after seeing Sam in his red flannel pajama suit, buttoned to the top button, I just don't think that I will look at him the same way ever again. Likewise, it is hard to take directions from a grown up dressed in polka dots. Maybe it's a good thing that pajama day only happens once a year...after all--morning onion breath that strong can only be survived once a year.

Eleven things that you may or may not want to know about me.

Feeling pressed for a good blog topic, I stole facebook's "Twenty-five things" and gave you eleven of mine...

11. After each passing day, I cross out the date on my calender using markers in rainbow color order. That's right--Roy G. Biv, baby.

10. I went to Camp Schodack for fourteen years. It is my favorite place. My first time wearing my purple bra, fainting/throwing up from a piercing, and being stabbed in my leg with an epi-pen all took place there.

9. In 5th grade I polled my street for what they thought were the best brands of watermelon bubble gum. According to Longacre Drive, Bubblicious may have won. But, my heart will always be with Watermelon Bubble Tape.<3

8. I am a human jukebox.

7. There are always cold m & m's in my fridge.

6. I used to sleep with a roll of cookie dough under my pillow. (Don't worry, it was in a zip lock bag).

5. Two years ago one of my students surprised me with a baggy of toe-nail clippings as a token of his appreciation.

4. I like the smell of belly-button lint. (I may be your most disgusting friend).

3. I lost my license during my senior year of college, (the result of eleven speeding tickets in 17 months). I bought a pink bike that I rode for three months around my college neighborhood. Matty B (The mentally challenged boy who lived down the street from me) used to throw things at me when I rode past his house on my bike.

2 I spent the better part of the summer of 2007 looking like a little dutch boy.

1. Give me a piece of string cheese sandwiched between two wheat thins, two pieces of watermelon, and one grilled chicken/ketchup sandwich-- and I'll be your best friend.

Squeeze The Lemon

It is true what they say--what goes around, comes around. It's called karma, baby.

I put more hexes, spells and bunny ears on lunchtime time aides between the years of 1989 and 1995 then I care to remember. In elementary school, to be in any "club" at school, your first test of loyalty to that club was to put bunny ears on the Russian lunch aide who spoke little to no English. The funny thing is, this NEVER got old. For six years, our one and only initiation into any club were to put bunny ears on that innocent, non-English speaking woman.

Little did I know that fifteen years later, I would be in that poor, poor woman's shoes. Twice a week I serve on lunch duty at school. This consists of reminding kids to eat. (REALLY? You're in the cafeteria, what do you think you're SUPPOSED to be doing right now?!) To mediating conflicts Rachel- Sally said my breath smells. Sally-Well, it does. To breaking up the occasional fistfight and of course--warding off bunny ears like it is my god given job.

The kids favorite game to play at recess is called Squeeze The Lemon. The premise of this game is to, well... squeeze the shit out of each other. Here's how. Students slide down the slide waiting at the slides edge. One by one, they kids come barreling down crashing into each other, "squeezing" each other. Fat kids squeezing the tiny kids, loving every minute of it.

The game was in full swing when suddenly--I heard the chant of my name...the children had chosen me, their teacher, as the next person to be squeezed. Did I want to be apart of this game? Absolutely not. But, did I give into the peer pressure brought on by eight and nine year old children? Of course I did. I reluctantly slid down the slide landing next to Laura (a tiny child) afraid that I had somehow broken her. As, I was busy checking her for injuries, (sure that I had somehow crushed her) I glanced up only to notice Pedro-(who weighs more than I do) sliding all of his body weight into mine.
It. Was. Not. Fun.

Maybe being on lunch duty is somehow a punishment for all of the lunch aides of my past that I tortured...it sure feels like it.

Number Two

It seems that every Sunday morning I have developed a ritual where I say two things to myself.
1.) I am never drinking again,
2). Someone please take my phone away from me when I'm drinking.

And just like that, I'm a new woman all week...until Friday night.

This morning I am here to discuss number two. (My point, not poop). Okay. Fess up. Put your thumbs up if this has happened to you. You wake up from a hazy, drunken sleep, unsure of how you made it into your bed, slowly piecing together the events that took place the night before. Once you are conscious, you glance at your phone to see if you have any missed calls/texts...and that is when you discover it/them. THE TEXT MESSAGE(S) YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE SENT! I'm not talking about conversational texts between friends, or if you are like me, and you text your best friend eight times in one hour asking her,"where are you?" (Even when you are at the same bar).

No, I am talking about something far more dangerous. I am talking about that inappropriate person that you should NOT be texting at three am. Maybe it's the person who you should be playing hard to get for, the person that you are trying not to seem like a needy beast for, perhaps an old boyfriend or girlfriend. Whoever that person may be for you, we are all guilty of this. We have all woken up with a fresh start...(until we glance at our phones). We scan through our calls and texts from the previous night. I always hold my breath when looking through the SENT text messages. My stomach flip-flops, and I know that I have done something irreversible. And, so I leave you on this note saying, someone please take my phone away from me when I'm drinking, and this time...I mean it.

School Days.

Oh the Joy of working full time and going to school part time! Five days a week (sans this week) I am a teacher by day, and two nights of the week, I am a student by night. Working and going to school simultaneously is just a barrel o' laughs! There's nothing that I love more than after a long day at school with my fourth grade freaks, then to go and listen to a three hour lecture on literacy, or even better...GEOGRAPHY. Nothing pleases me more than leaving my apartment at seven am, knowing that I won't return until nine pm. Yes, I know that some of you reading this work those kind of hours regularly, but you are called investment bankers, or lawyers. I thought that in my job description it said, "home in time for Oprah."


Tonight's class was no different, and entailed a two hour geography lecture, followed by some time in the computer lab to "research geography." I still don't know what that means. For me, "researching" meant signing on to gchat and complaining to anyone who would listen to me. Yes, I tend to be a little dramatic. (An aside, in my first year of teaching, I would occasionally online shop while my students were in the room doing independent work. I know, that's bad--but...when they would ask me what I was doing on the computer, my response would always be, "Oh, just some research." This answer always seemed to satisfy them). And so yes, I survived another three hour class seemingly unscathed...only one more year and half to go!

*Please note that I REALLY appreciate everyone reading my blog. I also appreciate those of you who read it wherever you go, (i.e. Matt Rockoff--on the toilet). Too Much Information? Maybe.

The 90's

Ya know, sometimes I really do think that I was born in the wrong decade. Many of you reading this would probably agree with me. When I watch television shows from the early 90's with friends, most cringe at the Lycra, spandex and polka dots. But me--I am sitting there taking notes on how I can perfect my own outfits. I love the 80's/early 90's fashions, and am thrilled that so many of them have come back in style. You don't believe me? Just step foot into any American Apparel. Don't get me wrong, I would not want to actually be grown up, and in my 30's right now. And, of course I love my friends, family, my cell phone, and everything else that being born in 1984, and a 20 something in the 00's entails...but my obsession with early 90's pop culture has just hit an all time high...or maybe it's a low.

I just spent the past hour on YouTube watching different clips from late 80's/ early 90's TV shows. I researched Behind the Scenes Saved by The Bell trivia, Jason Priestly in the 1989 sitcom Sister Kate, and then I watched the entire pilot episode of Melrose Place. (Which to my great delight features Jennie Garth (Kelly), Brian Austin Green (David), Tori Spelling (Donna) and Ian Ziering (Steve ) from 90210). Though, Dylan McKay was not featured, he did get a couple of shout-outs on that first episode. I became totally ga-ga over Andrew Shue's character, Billy Campbell. Naturally I had to imdb him (A perk of living in '09) and see recent photos of him. THAT is when reality set in. Sure in 1992 he was a total babe with a perfect bod. But, let's face it-- he was only twenty-five years old at the time! (Gasp, my age.) Today, in 2009 he is a married forty-two year old with children.

A perfect example of my decade-distortion of reality is when I attended Tori Spelling's book signing last March, I could not wait to meet her. However, my reality did not quite match up to my perception. Though, I am very aware of Tori Spelling's actual age (35 at the time), the nostalgic(and mildly delusional) part of me was still expecting to meet fresh faced, virginal, Donna Martin, young and eighteen years old. When I actually got closer to Tori Spelling, I saw that she was a thirty-five year old pregnant woman, who was not so fresh faced (or virginal for that matter). As ridiculous as it sounds, (and I KNOW it sounds ridiculous), I actually felt disappointed when I saw her.

I have to remind myself that living in a previous time period/falling in love with TV icons from the early 90's often distorts your perception of reality. Luke Perry will always be my # 1, and I'll always be true. But, I can't deny that I love Luke Perry circa de 1991...Luke Perry circa de 2009...not as much. It's too bad that when Luke Perry hit his peak I was only seven...oh, what could have been...maybe it is time that I start living in 2009. But let's not kid ourselves, k?

Mid-Winter Vacation Chronicles II

As most of you know, I am a teacher, and am amidst my mid-winter vacation. The day before vacation began, Zack (one of my students) asked me, "What will you do over your nine day weekend?" I did not have the heart to tell him, that at that point--we simply call it a vacation. (Earlier in the year, Zack told me that if he had a gun he would shoot me in the head). We have both moved on from that incident.

Another student, Paul asked me if I would be staying up late, watching movies with my friends and drinking beer. I'm not sure about all of you, but when I was nine years old-- I did not ask my teacher if they drank beer. Interestingly enough, a group of students approached my teaching partner, and asked her if I drank beer. They did not ask her if she drank beer, but specifically wondered about me, and my drinking habits. Should I be concerned? Probably? But what's the use in worrying, right?

The better question is, What will I be doing this break!?! Well, so far I have had a couple of really fun nights out complete with dancing my pants off, and puking later. I have been spending a lot of time naked in my apartment (my roommate was away for a couple of days), hanging out with my friends, consuming vast quantities of ketchup, going to the gym, and watching approximately four hours a day of 90210. Love ya nine day weekend!!!

Mid-Winter Vacation Chronicles

Is it okay that I became irrationally angry at the three high school girls that I saw today in the Short Hills Mall? I watched them as they laughed and chatted about whose sweet sixteens they were going to, while they casually picked up dress after dress, skirt after shirt in Bloomingdale's.

I grew increasingly angry for two reasons. The first is that these sixteen year old girls dressed cooler than I ever did at sixteen. In fact, at sixteen I had just retired my Winnie-the-Pooh sweatsuit. (I know, I may have been a bit more delayed than the average sixteen year old.) None the less, something about these tiny teens with their undeveloped bodies dressing the same way, or cooler than I do really infuriated me.

The second reason that I became so angry at these innocent high school bystanders is that I will probably have to live off of pasta and bagels for the next week and a half to compensate for the ONE dress that I bought.( Josh and Michael--if you're reading this...it was on sale! And, hey, if you can't EVER treat yourself--what I ask you, is the point of working?) And so it is...sixteen year olds who have rich parents will continue to live in the laps of luxury, and I will be there too...a jealous bystander in the corner.

Just enjoying my nine day weekend...more to come soon...