Loraine

Over the years I have been called a lot of different names by a lot of different people. You might say that I have accumulated a nickname...or eight. I have loved them all. From Lorna,Loretta,Fishballz, Lorny, Lu-Lu-Wagon, whore,F ishsticks, Fishcakes and Lootie-bell...I really have heard them all. But tonight, I was mistakenly called a new name. LORAINE. I apologize in advance if your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, best friend, wife, girlfriend or therapist is called Loraine, but it really is a terrible name.

I'm not sure how many of you remember the commercial that aired on TBS a couple of years ago. It was about a man named Raphael, who works in a cubicle. He decorated his cube with RAPHAEL branded items, and his boss still calls him by the wrong name. Tonight that was sort of my life.

In my grad class earlier this evening, we had to complete an assignment in groups. (Who doesn't love awkwardly conversing with people you don't know during a three hour class?) Fred, the man sitting next to me asked me what my name was, I replied Lauren. (I was also wearing my Lauren name necklace). I agree that's not completely fair--it is in cursive, in small letters, and he may not have been looking at it--but c'mon--it was there.

Fred did not hear me correctly, as I would soon find out. We were "thinking, pairing, sharing" and Fred had to introduce me to the class. He introduced me as Loraine. I could have corrected Fred, but I didn't want to embarrass him, and just hoped that nobody heard him. Wishful thinking. Fred said my name every time he addressed me. "What do you think, Loraine?" "Loraine, that's a really good point." Sorry, Loraine, I didn't hear you, could you repeat that Loraine?" Loraine, can you pass me a worksheet, Loraine?" I wanted to die, but only a little. Eventually, I had to leave the room, because I could no longer keep a straight face. I felt like I was in a scene of some kind of really bizarre comedy. Finally, class ended and I could escape the wrath of the wrong name. I walked out the door, but not without a goodbye from my new pal Fred, "Have a great night Loraine!"