All The Single Ladies

It always amazes me when there are lines to get into NYC bars. With so many bars to choose from in the city, lines should be virtually impossible! And yet to my great disappointment, when I stepped out of the cab in front of Fiddlesticks last night ( a glorified pub in the West Village), I was shocked to see that such a long line had formed. I had arrived by myself, I was running late, and was meeting up with friends (Shout out to ma Becca-Girlay and T. Sama). A large bouncer man approached me and very loudly said, "ARE YOU A SINGLE LADY?" Um, well I mean--I am, but did he really need to announce this to a line with thousands of people?(Ok, so there were probably like 25 people out there tops, but what-ever). I said, yes--to which he replied in the same booming tone, "Are you here alone? Before I could respond and explain to this man that I was having one of those nights where the dinner I was at ran late, and that I had to race home, only to try on every outfit that I owned, making me even later and...the large bouncer man shouted..."WE HAVE A SINGLE LADY, AND SHE'S HERE ALONE."

FANTASTIC.

Oh hey, group of twenty-five people I don't know, Not only do I not have a boyfriend, but apparently I don't have any friends either. The one perk of being a "single lady" arriving alone, was that I was pushed ahead in line onto the "Single Ladies Express Line." Kind of like the express, of lines.

I was quickly moving ahead in line, when the bouncer changed his mind. The Single Ladies Express line quickly turned into a couples only line. Just great. But, as luck would have it, a boy next to me on the regular local line volunteered to be my boyfriend for the next twelve minutes. Crisis averted.

My boyfriend and I waited in line together, grateful that we'd both be able to get inside a little bit quicker. I thought maybe, we'd share some jokes, some laughs, and exchange life stories. However, what I did not anticipate was having my ass grazed by my pseudo boyfriend's fingertips. Great. Now, I have a creepy stranger touching my butt, with nowhere to go. He looked at me with a semi-devious look on his face, and said.."hey, you gotta play the part right?" I meekly smiled back at him. Finally, in what felt like a lifetime, our time in line was done, and we were granted our rights to step into the bar. With one foot forward, I walked away from my couples only line boyfriend...and never looked back.