Well my good friends...it's that time again. I'm back.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having one of my former Camp Schodack campers, recycling extraordinaire, Ben come and speak to my class about well... recycling. The lesson culminated with a recycling relay race event. The kids had an absolute blast, and fell head over heels in love with Ben. And, what's more...the kids saw Ben hugging me goodbye! (gasp). For the rest of the day, I overheard students saying that Ben and I were "busy," making out. I sure hope they go home and tell their parents that.
But, the real gem of this week was today's trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And by gem, I mean slit my throat, shoot me in the ribs, pain in my ass. Let's start with the basics, shall we? As you all know, traveling via subway with a large group of nine and ten year olds is never fun and consistently stressful. One sophisticated young student decided that he was going to develop the swine flu if his face was exposed on the subway. He decided to zip his whole upper body and face into his jacket. The next thing I knew I had twelve children with no faces. It did not help anything that the moment we stepped off the train a woman walked by with a mask. Jane immediately screamed, "She has the wine flu--she's a Mexican! (she was Asian). And, it's Swine, not wine. Coincidentally, as Jane made this comment, she was holding Laura (her best friend)'s hand. Laura is a tiny Chinese girl. I have to wonder if all this time, Jane was confused thinking that Laura is actually a Mexican.
Next, I overheard Jason telling Will that he was adopted. (lie). That his "real" mom has blonde hair, and lives in New Jersey. His "real mom" had to give him up after the Great War. The Great War? You were born in 1999.
Once at the museum, we were in pursuit of the Japanese samurai armor exhibit. (Supporting our unit study of Japan). Once in the museum, I noticed a flock of students posing in front of one particular exhibit. Can you guess which one? Oh, just the Japanese samurai whose junk was covered in armor. That's right, twelve identical photos of kids posing with the statue and his weiner. Once, I herded the special cattle elsewhere, I heard an eruption of sorts that can only be heard from one student. Student screamed, as he slammed his body on the ground, in the middle of the Japanese armor. There were some classy looking people there, they looked less than pleased. I pulled him aside, and told him that he needed to lower his voice, as I put my finger up to my lips, to make the "shh" sound. Student looked into my eyes and roared, "I hate when you do that to me--do not shhhhhhh me." The kid's got a point--no one likes being shushed at--but I was at a loss for words, as to why I had a tantruming ten year old crying over Caleb asking to borrow a pencil. (Yes, he really cried over a borrowed pencil). After, said student's third meltdown, my co-teacher and I decided it was time to book it out of there.
We decided to eat lunch in a nearby park. Guess who threw bread on the ground attracting dozens of pigeons? Yup, my students--that's who. Goodie. Now there was a flock of disgusting pigeons circling me while I ate my sandwich. Soon after they finished eating lunch, they were released into the wild to play on the playground. We soon found out that there was an age limit, four years old, to play on this playground. We had to cut their playground time short. The kids were NOT happy. (You would have thought we just announced that we'd be slaughtering all of their puppies after lunch). Listen up bitches, you got to miss math, reading, science and social studies-- Now enjoy this day, and shut the fuck up.
On a side note, I now feel terribly for all those trips to the mall, where my brother, sister and I would make our poor mom hold all of our coats and belongings. As per usual, I was the resident mom on this trip, carrying the groups lunches, clipboards, and other worldly possessions. I still can't feel my right shoulder. The good news is, the field trip, and the hour long subway ride back to school is over. The even better news is that we are going on another field trip...tomorrow. To quote FML...FML.
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