The Big Moments

It's funny how the big moments in life are never quite the way that you imagined them to be. In the spring of 2001, I was a junior in highschool. I did not make the Varsity lacrosse team, and learned that I would be playing on the JV team. All of my friends my age, had moved up to Varsity. I was disappointed at first, but would soon learn what a joyous blessing in disguise this turned out to be. While the varsity team ran four miles a day, the JV team took team strolls to Baskin Robbins. And, most importantly of all, I met my new found sophomore lacrosse teammates. Teammates who would grow up to become my real life friends.

On Sunday, I attended one of those sophomore lax girlay's bridal shower. (No longer a highschool sophomore, but a twenty-six year old woman; Lindsay O, or soon to be Lindsay L). While catching up at our ladies lunch, the topic of losing our virginites came up. I'm not quite sure why or how. Maybe it was the fact that we all had done it for the first time with people we went to high school with, and consequently many of us had even slept with the same people. (Ahh yes, I do love you, Livingston High School). Either way, it made for some entertaining conversation.

I won't go into explicit detail on my first time. Mostly because, I am not looking to exploit anyone. (Or am I!?) But, I will say this: when a p first entered my v, I had no idea what to expect, I had only heard stories from my more "experienced" friends. Although, in hindsight--this "experience" is almost laughable. We were teenagers. We were the sexual blind leading the sexual blind. As we laughed about these boys from our past, (whose identities shall remain anonymous), we all knew one thing: these sexual escapades were disasters at best.

It's the big moments in life that never feel quite how you imagined them to be. I am coming up on a big milestone now. It's a strange feeling knowing that you are about to experience one of life's many turning points. But, this is mine. And, I'm not sure how I should feel.

I am leaving my very first job. The only real place that I have ever reported for duty, day after day, week after week, month after month, for the past five years. For many people my age, this step has already occurred. But, in true Lauren Fisher fashion, I am slightly delayed.I have planted my feet, and stood firmly in this place that I have grown to love. In the last five years working as a teacher at The Center for Ants, I have learned a great deal, and it will be very, very difficult for me to say goodbye.

Endings have never been easy for me. Like graduations, and the last episode of Beverly Hills 90210, endings tug at a piece of my soul that I didn't know was there. I am moving on. But, I feel I am moving on before I am ready. That's the hard part. The truth is, I would probably never be "ready," to move on. I know that change is a good thing. (Atleast, that's what I hear). But, regardless, I don't feel ready to leave a work environment where my co-workers have become close friends, and a building has become like a second home.

What is my message here? I'm not sure. I only know that when I first stepped foot into The Center For Ants back in September of 2006, I never would have dreamed of the all the learning, the growth, and the development that would take place. (And, yes...I am talking about my own). It has been a hell of a five years. Center For Ants, you've been a pivotal part of my twenties. And, I'll miss you, a lot.