Corey has been living in Japan since college graduation. In the past four years, I have only seen him once when he came home for the holidays two years ago. (That is, until Thursday night, when Corey arrived in NYC). What do Corey and I remember about Thursday night? Well, not a whole lot. What I do know is this: Being sleep deprived and hung over, when you work with eight year old children is a fate more torturous than death. And also this: Corey texted me on Friday morning to tell me that if I even think about blogging about the previous night's events, that he would murder me in my sleep. Since I value my life (and Corey), I will respect his wishes, and only say this: Welcome back, 2005. Nice to see you again.
Friday night was a party at Rockoff's (Modern Life). And, Saturday night was a party at Meelzy, France and Shelbay's. An excellent crew made for two very fun nights. But, the most important thing that I came away with, was a story told by Miss Rweiss on Friday night. A story, so terrifying, that it will continue to haunt me for days to come. However, this story is too good NOT to share with all of you. I give you the following tale:
Rweiss's friend went on a date with a guy. Things went really well, and said friend went back to the guy's apartment. I think we all know what happens next.
The next morning, when Rweiss's friend woke up, the guy had already left for work. As friend got ready to go about her day, she made a little stop in the bathroom...and pooped. When she went to flush, she realized it was not going down. (FYI: This is one of my top 5 worst nightmares). After many attempts to unclog the toilet, Rweiss's friend did what any twenty-six year old girl would do in this situation. She scooped out her own shit and placed it into a ziplock bag that she had found in the kitchen. She left the bag of her shit on the kitchen counter, as she would dispose of it when she left the apartment. Rweiss's friend liked this guy, and hoped to see him again. Before leaving, She wrote him a note, and placed it on the counter, "Had a great time last night, call me." She slipped out the apartment door, and just as the door clicked, and locked behind her...she realized that her fate had already been sealed. Rweiss's friend had accidentally left the baggie of shit next to the note. Yes, you read that correctly. Rweiss's friend LEFT A BAG OF HER SHIT, NEXT TO A NOTE THAT SAID, "CALL ME."
Needless to say, her date did not call her, as per her request. But, I think that an extremely important lesson has been learned. It is this: If you take a shit at the apartment of someone you have just exchanged bodily fluids with, and the toilet is not flushing, forcing you to scoop out your own feces, and placing it into a ziplock bag...then please be sure to dispose of any and all fecal matter immejiately. That's right, immejiately.
The next morning, when Rweiss's friend woke up, the guy had already left for work. As friend got ready to go about her day, she made a little stop in the bathroom...and pooped. When she went to flush, she realized it was not going down. (FYI: This is one of my top 5 worst nightmares). After many attempts to unclog the toilet, Rweiss's friend did what any twenty-six year old girl would do in this situation. She scooped out her own shit and placed it into a ziplock bag that she had found in the kitchen. She left the bag of her shit on the kitchen counter, as she would dispose of it when she left the apartment. Rweiss's friend liked this guy, and hoped to see him again. Before leaving, She wrote him a note, and placed it on the counter, "Had a great time last night, call me." She slipped out the apartment door, and just as the door clicked, and locked behind her...she realized that her fate had already been sealed. Rweiss's friend had accidentally left the baggie of shit next to the note. Yes, you read that correctly. Rweiss's friend LEFT A BAG OF HER SHIT, NEXT TO A NOTE THAT SAID, "CALL ME."
Needless to say, her date did not call her, as per her request. But, I think that an extremely important lesson has been learned. It is this: If you take a shit at the apartment of someone you have just exchanged bodily fluids with, and the toilet is not flushing, forcing you to scoop out your own feces, and placing it into a ziplock bag...then please be sure to dispose of any and all fecal matter immejiately. That's right, immejiately.
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