I've been dreaming about this blog post for weeks now. The blog that I would write on the last day of fourth grade. And suddenly, here it is! The day has snuck up on me sooner than anticipated. It is mind boggling. One minute it's September, and the next--it's June! (When you work in a school, you still think of "years" as September-June, rather than the actual calender). And as I sit here in my chair, at my desk, typing on my computer--I feel compelled to tell you, my loyal readers, that I am filled with a range of emotions. (Beware). But, most of all right now--I just feel blue.
Each year I think that I am going to feel a huge sigh of relief on the day that school is done. After all, what better season is there than summer? And, each year I am surprised (I have a selective memory) that I don't feel relief (that usually comes about 4-5 days from now). Instead, right now in this moment--I feel pangs of sadness. Now, I'm no mathematician (and I'm sure my i-banking/accountant friends could help me do the math on this one). But, no matter how you slice it, I spend a large percentage of my week with my students. Some could say these kids have become like family. (Family that I occasionally want to punch in the face), but none the less family. A love/hate relationship if you will.
I think about all the joy that my students have brought me this year. And, believe you me--there was lots of joy. There was the Variety Show, where William sang "Staying Alive" with such emotion, I thought I would pass out from trying to hold in my laughter. Or when Jake bounced a basketball for six minutes, while the audience exchanged tortured glances as to why we were watching someone dribble, and calling it a "talent." I will miss Sam asking me each, and every day who my favorite Looney Toons charcter is. And, each day without fail, Sam would bring in his entire Looney Toons dvd collection. (He had 11 dvds that he carted around to and from school every single day). I think about Cam who appointed other girls to be his girlfriend for the day, when his real girlfriend was absent. Or how Rose would try to hold my hand every chance she got. At first, I would grow annoyed, and try to shake her hand off. (I'm soooo loving and affectionate). Until it occurred to me: All Rose wants to do is hold my hand. How could I ever be annoyed by that? I think about how sarcastic Jillian is, and that I love joking with her the way I can with my friends. Jillian literally not only takes my shit, but she gets it too. I will miss William rocket-farting ( Yup, that's just what it sounds like) at his friends, and I will miss Pete challenging me to a race every single morning. Yeah, you could say--I'm gonna miss these kids. Though at times, things were rough, (Pedro's tantrums in museums, mistakenly drawing tits on the board during math, and field trips from hell), But what's most important is that these kids have warmed my heart, and made me feel like an important, special grown-up, who really has had a hand in their growth, development, happiness and overall well-being. It feels really, really good.
I have officially completed my third year of teaching, and when I return in the fall, I will be at year # four. That makes me sound somewhat reputable, like I should kind of know what I'm doing by now. How terrifying. This also marks another end for me. Next year, I will no longer be in the fourth grade, but I will be working in the third grade. I'm sure that my new position will bring laughter and challenges along the way. But, I won't think about that just yet--instead, I will quote something that Zack(who has been known to threaten my life with a non-existent gun, and once asked me what I would be doing over my nine day vacation) said. "Have a super special, awesome, wonderful Zachary summer." And ya know what? I think that's just what I'm going to do.
No comments:
Post a Comment