Some Lessons about Boys and Things

If ever there was a week for reflection, this is it--just a few days shy of my twenty-ninth birthday, and Day four of my Strep throat/Flu sickness. Spending twenty plus hours in bed, self-reflection and introspection were high on my list of things to do. What I came up with is this: I have learned a great deal this year; in regards to others, as well as sharpening my understanding of myself. I'd like to use this post as a way to reflect on some of the significant relationships from my twenty-eighth year. I have been much more private in my blog than ever before, and tonight I return to my old ways. I want to write a little about the gents--but more importantly, the lessons that I came away with, when those gents and I parted ways. I will conclude tonight's post with "going forward" (in year twenty-nine), and the changes I hope to make. In the past when things didn't work out with a guy I liked, friends would say, "It's a learning experience." I used to think, I'd rather it just work out then "learn something," And, while I still hope for the relationship, as opposed to the post-relationship lesson... I am somewhat comforted by the amount I've learned this year.

Once I eliminated a toxic presence in my life, I was ready to let someone new in. And last February, I met Aaron. Aaron and I met at a mutual friend's wedding.  Aaron taught me many things, like if you're a boy, and you press hard onto my bladder it will make me laugh, and probably make me like you. Aaron and I shared an instant chemistry, and I will never forget how excited I was the day after the wedding, to tell my friends about this guy I had unexpectedly met. Aaron was very quick to share his feelings for me. (Something I was not used to), and was ready for a serious commitment early on. Valentine's Day was about a week after I had met him, and Aaron wrote me a very lovely Valentines note. It was quite possibly the nicest message anyone of the opposite sex has ever written to me. In the end, I don't think Aaron and I were quite right for each other, and I was the one who decided to end the relationship. What I took away from my time knowing Aaron is an understanding of what a guy will do for you, when he really cares about you. There was no game playing, and the courting process was simple and straightforward. After years of analyzing text messages, and Gchats-- it was an unbelievably refreshing change. Just as important, I learned that when something does not feel right, it's important to trust your instincts, and do what feels best--even if it's a difficult choice that may hurt someone else.

Then last June, on the first official night of summer, I met Dave. Our first date was simply fine. Dave was perfectly sweet and fun--I just didn't know if I could see us having more than a friend-like chemistry.  If after that date, I hadn't heard from Dave again, it would have been okay. But, when Dave asked me out a second time, I thought, sure, why not?  Date two was much, much better than date one. And by date three, I was smitten. Date four I was pretty much in love. (Okay, I wasn't actually in love by date  four). But, my point is: I let something grow slowly, and each time we saw each other, and the more I got to know him, I grew to like Dave more and more. It's how dating SHOULD be.  What I took away from my time with Dave is this: Take your time in getting to know someone. Take things slowly, you can always go slower than you think you have to. Give someone a chance. One date may not be enough to tell how you feel. (Unless of course said guy talks about how much ass he gets at bars each weekend--then it's okay not to go out with them again).  But, most importantly: Dave showed me how it  looks to end things in a polite, respectful way. When Dave decided to end our relationship, he did it in person; sensitively and kindly breaking the news to me. (Over a Bacardi and Diet Coke).  He certainly did not text or e-mail me. Or even worse--just stop talking to me. He behaved like a man, and treated me with the respect I deserved. His tact and kindness allowed me to move on much more quickly than he had left me with unanswered questions.

Most recently there was Adam.  This is a tough one to write about, because I'm still in throws of my "recovery." (Please forgive me if I sound mildly traumatized, it's because I am). By all rules applied, Adam and I should have never had a first date. We met at a bar, and went home with each other the very same night. Don't get me wrong. I was instantly attracted to Adam, not only physically, but I was attracted to his energy. I liked him right away. He was positive, cheerful with a great smile. I was quite certain that I was not the only girl in the bar who noticed him. The following day, I was certain I had "messed up," any chance of a real relationship. I tried to remain optimistic, that he could still take me seriously. And against all odds, he did. And, we went out on a proper date. (Otherwise known as backwards dating, when your first date happens after you've already seen each other naked). We had a few "proper dates," Those dates felt magical to me. Fun, engaging and just the right amount of flirtation. And as they say; it turned out that Adam was just not that into me. Rejection is never easy. Humbling? Yes. An experience everyone should go through? Yes. But, is it easy? Fuck no.  Especially when you really liked the person, and in the moments you spent together, you thought it was mutual. I write this to you as I try and sort out my hurt, and still confused feelings. Surely, everyone must feel that way, some form of--how could he/she not feel the same way I do? We've all been on both ends--this just might be the suckier end.

It's tough to have these relationships end before they get off the ground. And a person can only go through these disappointment so many times before (they lose their minds a little), and a change is made. The best I can come up with for now is remaining a bit more guarded. (Sans revealing things in my blog of course). Perhaps I am too open, (vulnerable), and am asking for trouble. Another important change I will make going forward is this: I vow to take things very slowly. Once the pants come off, all bets are off, and I'm probably gonna fall in love with you. Going forward, all I can do is try my very best to be cool. (I've never been good at that).  And yes, Keep those Spanx on!  (Until I know something is really going somewhere). It's just too hard otherwise.

LHS Ten Year Reunion!!!!

It has been months since my last post. (I am soyyy sorry). But, if ever there was a time for a blog revival...it is now! A lot can happen in ten years. For my students, this is their entire lifetime. For me, ten years ago at this time, I was a college freshman having come home for Thanksgiving for the very first time. I have endured many changes in the past decade. Certainly far too much to sum up in this blog post. But, to name a few: I went to college, started a career, experienced new people, and learned many, many important life lessons. And, yet. In the context of certain situations. (i.e: a highschool reunion), it feels like nothing has changed at all. It's almost odd in a way, it's as if the last ten years haven't even occurred.

 Last night I attended my ten year high school reunion. Not only was I an attendee, but alongside two others I planned the event. And it has to be said. The night was a smashing success, I could not have asked for a more unbelievably fun night if I had tried. A ten year reunion is one of those milestone moments in life that you hear about, or see portrayed in movies, and last night I experienced it firsthand.  For one night, I was a twenty-eight year old high school senior. And, I can't think of anything that could have made me feel happier.

The green and white balloons, (Go Lancers!), the late 90's/early 00's songs played by the DJ, and the genuine joy that was felt around the room all contributed to the amazingness of the night. (Well, all of that and the open bar).  Highschool reunions have the potential to be awkward. (Alcohol helps). There could be the fear of seeing an old flame, friends fallen out of touch, and yet--at the LHS Reunion, everyone was genuinely thrilled to be reunited together.

I am a lucky lady to have remained in touch with so many of my high school friends. (In fact, in 2013 I will be attending four high school weddings, two of which both the bride and groom graduated from high school together). And yet, there were still people who came to the reunion that I could not have predicted how excited I would be to see. Faces that I hadn't seen in years, and once the conversation began, it was like we were back in 2002, standing at our lockers in D-Hall.

What happened after the reunion was the best part. (Well, after the after-party, and the after-after-party).  It was the e-mails, texts, and Facebook messages that followed not only thanking me for planning the reunion, but also to share how good it was to re-connect. This is the best part. I came away from the reunion, feeling rejuvenated in my current friendships, and rekindled old ones.

I know. I am an interesting breed of human. Not all people care this much about highschool. And not all people would feel sad when highschool (and the reunion) ended. But, this is me. I can't begin to express the amount of fun I had on Friday night, or the actual feeling of sadness I have now that it's over. Do I really have to wait another ten years to do this again?

Ending this post feels appropriate with the following quote. A close friend of mine found two girls who he did not recognize at the reunion. Approaching them both he said. "Alright, let's get this over with, who the hell are you?"

Ah, I'll love you forever LHS. Thank you for introducing me to some of my favorite people in all of my life. To everyone who came last night, thank you for making it the actual best time ever.

Trash is dumped, and so are you!

Greetings from the last day of August. It's hard to believe how fast this summer has gone by. Every time I think about school being back in session next week, I actually want to cry small tears of sadness. This is not because I dislike my job, but rather an indicator of just how much I love summer.

It's been a really great summer filled with freedom, adventure, good times, hilarious times, and even some sexy times. Tonight, I write to you with one of the "not so good" times. And that is: Getting dumped.  I use the term "dumped" loosely, because the dumper was not my actual boyfriend. (We never made it that far), but he was someone that I was seeing on a weekly basis, investing my time and feelings. We had a real good run while it lasted. And, in the end this fellow, (who is really a lovely, stand up-person) felt this was a timing issue. I realize this sounds code for, "He's just not that into you." But, I don't think that was the case. It involves more detail, but in the small chance this is ever seen by him, well...I will keep that to myself.

We had a blasty-blast together, and it is disappointing to see something like that end. No matter what though, I appreciate that he had the courage to tell me in person. He did not text me, e-mail me, or even worse...phase me out. No. He manned up! (And broke the news to me over a Bacardi and Diet Coke). After "the talk", we chatted for a while, laughing and having fun. Moral of the story: You can dump me, and I'll still have fun with you immediately after.

 We stood outside the bar, trying to find the right words to say goodbye. Standing close together, about to hug, as a small man walked by us. The man stopped in front of us and said, "You guys make a  really good couple!" The man walked away, and we burst out laughing.  OF COURSE, I had just been told that I made a good couple with a guy who had litreally just dumped me twenty minutes earlier. Oh, timing. You are quite literally everything. The dumper (for lack of a better word), turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'm probably going to tweet about that. And, I replied--I'll probably be blogging about that too." And, with that we hugged one last time, and I walked away.

Summer Time Happenings

Last night at my post-kickball game drinks, one of my teammates asked what I've been doing with all of my free time, a la summer vacation. (Clearly, this time has not been spent blogging--I promise to write more often). And so, here I am with some summer time updates.

1. First and foremost, The Judys got engaged!! For those of you that don't know, the Judys are my older brother, Jeremy and his fiancé Christine. I am very excited for them. It was amazing to celebrate at Long Beach Island on Sunday with both of our families. I am so happy for my Judys!!! (Also, I made Judy pinkie-swear that I get to bring a date to his wedding.

2. On Tuesday night I participated in my very first GROUPER  experience with Becca Girl and Brookie. Grouper is a group dating website. (Becca secretly signed me up for this while she was over one afternoon). Grouper sends you and two friends on a "group date," with three guys who are all friends. In theory, this could be really great way to meet someone! Unfortunately, in our case it was not. While these guys were very sweet and friendly, they were not really for us. All was not lost though, as a lesbian named Katie found her way into our group date. She took a real liking to Becky, as she draped her arm around Becky's shoulder. While Becky may not have left our grouper meeting her future husband, who knows...maybe she met her wife!

3. On Wednesday night, I was at a friend from high school, (Heath F)'s birthday happy hour. While there, Becky and I met a group of guys. When I learned that they were only twenty-three, it was hard not to wince a little. But, here's the real kicker: These boys went to my higshchool. That's right!!! Of all the boys in the bar, the five that talked to us were members of Livingston High School's graduating class of 2007. Did our night end taking a hummer limo to a strip club with a group of twenty-three year old guys? Well, I'll never tell. But, Facebook will.

4. The LHS '07 boys asked me what year I graduated. 2002, I reluctantly said. Last week a Facebook group for our ten year reunion went out. I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

5. My gig as cooking counselor is going well! My hours are amazing, and working two days a week is actually a dream come true. Also, I lead a cooking (baking) class. Contrary to popular belief, I am not the camp chef.

6. On Wednesday afternoon, I was walking down 77th Street, when a woman sitting outside of a store told me that I had a positive aura. She also said more lovely things, and thus, she lured me in. As it turns out, she is a psychic.  And, as my friend Rweissypantz said, I am a psychic's wet dream. Using tarot cards, she told me the date of my engagement, the year of my marriage, and how many kids I will have. Do I believe in psychics? I don't know. Do you?

Sure, I've been up to other things too--like beaches, Shevitz family vacations, a Rhode Island wedding, and an Andyman and Brent reunion of sorts. It has been a great start to my favorite season in the world. And, it gets even better. This weekend the Schodack crew is heading to the place that will forever hold a spot in all of our summer hearts. Camp Schodack, here we come!!!

A Ten Kilometer Journey

On Saturday morning I ran my very first 10K. I did not know what to expect as to what this experience would be like. And I was nervous! (Mostly about having to poop mid-run). I can tell you this: Any nerves and anxiety I had over this run were well worth it! It was an incredible experience. And I can now understand why people run half marathons, and marathons year after year, because this feeling...is just that good.

There were many amazing things about this race that made it special. To start, it was a ladies only 10k. Girl Power!!! There was something truly empowering about running through the streets of Manhattan, and  Central Park with a pack of 8,000 women. I felt proud to be a woman and proud to be a part of that group

I ran this race with my best gal--Becca Girl. And, even though she ran faster than me, and I literally watched her pony-tail from afar, it was a special experience we shared together.

I listened to three songs on repeat the entire hour and four minutes that I ran. Mmhmm. I pep talked myself to keep going many times. I felt excitement as I watched spectators cheer us on. I kept my eyes on the girl in front of me who had the words, "I'm not a quitter and neither are you. Now you keep running," written on her back. (This sign literally motivated me to keep running, and not stop to walk once). I nearly cried when almost a mile of the course was uphill. But each time I ran past the mile markers, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and finally crossing the finish line...the excitement, and feeling of true accomplishment grew.

I am proud of myself. It's a rare thing to announce this past the age of ten. But, it's true. I feel proud. I put in a lot of hard work to get to this point, and it paid off. It's a lesson as old as time. If you work hard for something, you can achieve what you want. After a long day at school, did I want to come home, drop off my stuff, and go on a four mile run? Hell no. But, am I glad that I forced myself to do this?  Hell yeah! Because, the feeling I felt when I crossed the finish line was indescribable, and far more emotional than I had ever anticipated. It was a mixture of pride, happiness, relief and pure elation.  The entirely positive feelings I felt when I crossed the finish line outweighed any of the negatives that took place during the course of the race. It made all  of the training and challenges completely worth it. Even though, I did not come in 1st place, (I came in 3,083rd), I still feel like I won something. I won the realization that hard work really and truly pays off in the end. Thank you Ladies Only 10k, you've made quite an impact on me.

Merry June!

Did you think I had forgotten about Go Fish? I hadn't, and I haven't.  I have just been busier in the last few months than I have been in what feels like all of my life. And, well. I guess that's a good thing.

We made it to June. (HOLLAAAA!!) I wait all year for this moment. I am a summer time girl. I love the sunshine and the warmth. And, I like myself best in shorts, skirts, and flip-flop tanned. For most people the end of the year means December. But when you're a student or a teacher, your "year" revolves around the school calendar. Since I went into teaching six years ago after graduating from college, (and have been in school since I was two and a half), I simply don't know any other way of life. My year starts in September and wraps itself up in June.  Summer holds actual meaning for me. And truly... I wouldn't have it any other way. With just ten days left in the fourth grade, I feel it is safe to say that I did it! A congratulatory YAY is in order.  I survived my first year in a new place, despite many initial reservations and hesitations.

A lot has happened this past year, both personally and professionally. And, I've come a long way from the girl who cried for the first two weeks in September because I was homesick for The Center for Ants. Yes, I still miss my old school. But in a different, much less painful way.

When thinking about another school year coming to a close, it's hard not to be reflective on the happenings of this past year. When I started at my new school back in September, the first person who wished me luck via text message is no longer in my life. (As it turned out, he had a girlfriend while we were doing it). And once this information was brought to my attention, I didn't stick around.

Hindsight is really a magical thing. It allows you to see all the things that you couldn't see while you were in the thick of things. Hindsight and I agree on a lot of things over that relationship. The biggest one being: Cheers to it being done. I have grown wiser since, and yes--I do feel smarter about how I'd like to handle myself going forward.  Later in this same year I had a pseudo relationship. In the end I had to do something really difficult. I had to end it.  And while I do think fondly of this person, somewhere deep down I knew we weren't quite right for each other. And no matter what.... I still think I would rather be the dumpee then the dumper. I don't like knowing I am the source of anyone's hurt. And at the very least when I am the rejected one, I can write an angry blog post.

Things at work were challenging at times but as the year went on, I made real friends, and developed real bonds with my students. And, in ten days---I will really miss those kids. (Well, most of them).

Next Saturday, I will be partaking in my first ever 10K with my Becca Girl. I'm proud of the hard work we've put in in preparation for this event. Now, I just pray that I don't have to poop mid-run.

This year has brought me many great times and things. And, also some not as great times and things. It is comforting to know that with each experience, I grow and learn, just a little bit. And, I guess you really can't ask for much more than that.

Happy May!!!

Helloooooo Friends!

It is May, hooray!!!!!! I promise to write a long, lovely post soon.