I'm sure many of you have seen the movie preview. A twenty-something girl is on the quest to find true love before she reaches twenty sexual partners. And, she's at nineteen...
I recently had two very different experiences involving people's "numbers." (People's sex numbers, that is). And naturally, I wanted to share them here. The tale begins in Boston, where I spent my weekend visiting my college besties. (Love you guys!!)
Out at the bar on Saturday night, I met a guy. (One whose name I can't remember, and he is simply "Boston Boy," in my phone). Through, texting the next day, Boston Boy revealed his sex number to me. I never asked him for this information, he shared this all on his own. Boston Boy told me that he had only slept with three girls in his life. This seemed somewhat shocking to me. A twenty-seven year old, single guy, who had only been with three girls. I understand that everyone's numbers are different, based on different life experiences. After all, I have friends that have a low number of sexual partners, because they've been with the same person for so many years. Maybe Boston Boy had three really serious girlfriends? Or maybe he had one really serious girlfriend, and two flings? Or, maybe he is just sexually inexperienced. The possibilities are endless.
(An aside: I did not share my number with Boston Boy, for many reasons. Most of which being that my number is not three).
It was interesting to me that a single, twenty-seven year old guy had only slept with three girls in his life. However, if a single, twenty-seven year old girl had said the same thing, it would not be as surprising to me. The reality is, gender does play a role in this. We know this, because girls are the ones who are called sluts and whores. Not guys.
I was talking on the phone last night with one of my best friends from college. Without knowing my Boston Boy story he asked, "Fisher, what's your number these days?" I'm not shy about this. (Though, I'm not going to share that number here). I told him that I would tell him, if he told me his. And, so he did. A twenty-eight year old guy, and he had just hit the forty mark. Forty girls. And, I will get personal about something. I am one of those forty girls.
His number did not surprise me. And, I passed no judgement on him. However, if I had told him that my number was forty. (Which it's not), I can't help but wonder if he would judge me, just a little.
Another factor: Since we've been close friends for years, it's been a while since we've done it, and I'm not looking to date him, knowing his number didn't bother me. However, if this was a guy I was interested in becoming serious with, and I knew that he had slept with forty girls before me...it could have the potential to make me think differently about him and his intentions.
Is this fair? I'm not sure. Do I want people judging me based on my number? No. Of course not. But, I'd like to think that I still fall in a somewhat age appropriate range for a single girl living in a city.
We want the perfect balance. No one wants to sleep with someone who seems inexperienced, and yet at the same time, too much experience can be seen as a flaw, and could potentially make the moment feel less genuine. When you are in an intimate setting with someone, no one (I imagine) likes to think about the people who came before you, and who may come after. In the end, I conclude that someone's sex number is not so important. Sometimes, you have to have different experiences to help you understand what it is you are looking for. And, girls. I'm pretty sure you can still find love, even if he is # twenty...
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